obFUCKINGsessed yet aFUCKINGgain.

So I was in love with video last year and I just fell back in love.

peaceloveseekamybye.

Gyllenhaal feeds the gay fire

In an effort to fuel even more gay rumors, Jake Gyllenhaal has just been cast as Joe Hardy in the film re-make of the broadway musical Damn Yankees. Not gonna lie, I love this shit. I'm a fag so 50s musicals are my bag baby. Jim Carrey has also been cast as Mr. Applegate, the devil.

This shit will be extremely fagtastic because it's being produced by the same queens who threw cash at Hairspray (we all know how gay that spectacular was).

I'm pretty sure Jim Carrey can sing, I just feel like he can. Jakey-boy? Not so much. Whatever dub him.

thegaymusicalisbackbye.

Sorry

ive been busy lalala ill try harder.

Michelle and Hill sex it the fuck up

They are both looking hot at Obama's Faux State of the Union tonight.

Turn on cnn to see these fine ladies doing their things.

pics to come laterr

michyobamaandhillarydefhavesleepoversanddoeachothersnailsbye.

obFUCKINGsessed again.

I just heard the new Ciara song ft. Justin Timberlake. Holy shit I am fucking obsessed. AMAZING.


whorememberswhenciarasaidshewasbornasahermaphrodite?

Poor lil' Audrinaaa

Audrina Patridge has been robbed. I seriously couldn't tell you why this isn't on the front page of The New York Times.  She wrote on her official blog “I spent most of the morning filling out police reports and going through the house room by room making lists of everything that had been taken,” Audrina continued. “Most of the items are replaceable, but they took off with a few very sentimental things too. Definitely not a good way to start the week.” I feel for ya Audrina, I really do. JKJK.

My issue is, she's already lost her dignity so does anything else matter?

atleastyastillgotyasilicone.

On a serious note...

Soooooo Britney's Dad, Jamie, was in court today to extend a restraining order for his daughter against former manager Osama Lutfi and ex Adnan Ghalib. So blablablabla.

Supposedly Britney's Nanny caught her talking to Osama Lutfi and Adnan Ghalib in the middle of night. Britney is not allowed to have a cell phone, she has to use her father's cell or house phone. That was reported to the court and supposedly Jamie was very emotional when telling it.

I am really disgusted by this. She was forced into releasing this album and to go on tour with it. They look at her and see dollar signs. She needs to go back to fucking Louisiana with her kids and just live for a couple of years. They have her on all these crazy pills that make her a borderline zombie. I don't know how she's going to survive a world tour. This really makes me upset to the point where I almost cry. 

She's lost almost all power in her life.

I am just so disgusted how everyone around her just sees her as dollar signs. Her father, mother, manager and ex-husband are totally exploiting her . 

Okay I'm getting really upset so I'm going to stop

Kimberleigh Zolciak Update

For those of you who don't know Kim Zolciak is my own personal Jesus. JK, she's more like my own personal Nancy Pelosi. Well Kim is one of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, who is destined to be a country superstar. I am lucky enough to be friends with this hot bitch on facebook and I live for her status updates. Today it just read, "Kim Zolciak is excited, I got my botox today, Adios Migraines... Thank God". That just fucking made my day even though I have 2 fucking papers due tmrw that I have yet to write.

Seriously Kim is going to be the biggest thing to hit country music. Just fucking wait.

Here is a moving clip from The Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion:

Lindsay Lohan is a fucking cow.

Everyone's saying how saying hoe thin Lindsay Lezhan is. Blablablablabla she's on coke, I get it. She might throw up after meals, so what? Isn't Sam Ronson's ladyjuice like 400 calories per teaspoon and full of protein? We all know Linds doesn't order in, she eats out. So yeah, keep doing what ya doin Linds.

In other Linds related news, she's coming out with a line of spray tan. Lindsay I applaud you for your consistency with letting your career fall to new depths, really I do. Just a couple of years till she becomes the spokeswoman for Shoprite brand cream cheese (delicious, but i prefer Temp-Tee)

peacelovedinalohan.

obFUCKINGsessed.

Dita Von Queef

So I've never really known why people like Dita Von Teese. I don't think she dresses as amazing as people say she does. She's a fucking over the hill burlesque dancer who became famous after fucking Marilyn Manson. What does she do now? Seriously? Gypsy Rose Lee at least milked her career into her 40s, you just go to events and suck the occasional rock star cock (one thing I commend her for).

Whatever so she was at that dramz filled party Elton John had last night after the Oscars looking gross and stealing a photo from 2 of my fav ladies (Eva Longoria and Victoria Beckham). 

So Dita, do us all a favor and don't attend any more events until you have a shiteous reality show I can applaud you for. Oh and you need botox asap those wrinkles ya got are unacceptable.

grossgrossgrosstoodleoo.

Brought to you by Sharon Stone's nips

Come on Shar! Seriously? She's what, 85 years old?

Whatever so this loser hasn't had a hit film since I was like like 3 and I guess she was fed up. So she decided to throw on some lace and peace out. It isn't even like the fabric she's wearing is just sheer because of the lighting, that shit is legit see-through. Honestly shar, ya got some nice lil bitties but cover up.

K.

Oh and this was at Elton John's party so I'm sure that queen was not too happy.

Slap on some pasties next time or just go nakey.

thispostwasnotveryfunnysorryyyyyy.

Insert gay joke here.

Matthew McConaughey was spotted researching his role in the upcoming Falcon Studios film "Bongs and Dongs". In the upcoming film he plays a stoner that is determined to selfsuck, sure to be a whole lotta family fun. It co-stars Matthew Rush and Ray J... and so begins oscarbait 2010.

We get it Matty, you like yoga. Can't you fucking do it in the comfort of your own home? Honestly I am sick of this shit. I don't even know if I find him attractive anymore because of his continuous flaunting of his lil bod. Can't you just camera-whore out your iphone like Miley Cyrus? It's done wonders for her career. 

i'dobvsstilldroptrouifheaskedto.

My name is Jessica and I like lard.

I seriously have no idea why I'm writing this but whatever.

NEWSFLASH! Miss Chicken of the Sea herself, Jessica Simpson, is getting a diet coach. I did not see this one coming.

Let's analyze her career, shall we? So she has a hit with "I Wanna Love You Forever", starts to 'not have sex' with Nick Lachey, her second and third album both flop, marries Nick, gets a reality show/ becomes an icon for being a complete moron, has a hit with "With You", divorces Nick cause his peepee is a lil too small, does nothing with her life, divorces, releases a flop of a country album and then gets fat. She's getting a diet coach, shocking.

She's currently booking bar mitzvahs, weddings and a couple of openings of KFC. She charges 5 matzo balls an hour. If you need her you can contact her publicist, Ronald McDonald.

ipreferashleebuybye.

SImon Cowell is a legit dumbass.

Simon Cowell, or Mantits McGee as I call him, needs to be fucking punched in the face. In what world is he that important that he needs to be that important that he needs to have his body frozen?

At some crazy party for Sir Gordon Brown (like I know who he is) while obvs doing a lil too much, ala Gaga, he was quoted as saying, “I have decided to freeze myself when I die. You know, cryonics. You pay a lot of money and you get stuck in a deep freeze once you’ve been declared dead. Medical science is bound to work out a way of bringing us back to life in the next century or so, and I want to be available when they do. I would be doing the nation an invaluable service”. He obvs had been drinking too much of the kool-aid.

This bitch needs a reality check... cue Elton John to make a statement......

overitbye.

Britbrit to go Gaga? Hell to the NO.

K, so its been reported that mah girl Britney wants to feature "Just Dance" by Lady Gaga in her upcoming tour. HELL TO THE NO SPEARSY! NO! Stick to "E-mail My Heart", "Dear Diary" and other classics of that calibur. Keep that blonde wig the FECK away from Britney.

If I show up to Nassau Coliseum on March 23 to see this shit go down, I'll be pissed. Scratch that I'll be to busy crying from pure joy that I'm seeing Britney live for the first time in years that I really won't give a fuck.

i'lllovethatbitchregardlessbehye.

Nicole "Naturally Thin" Richie is knocked up part deux

K so that thing called Nicole Richie is knocked up with that loser is Good Charlotte's baby again. 

I'm sure they were trying to get pregnant because Nicole likes stretchmarks. Maybs she wants Leila Ali Palmer's Cocoa Butter advertisement deal.

P.S. I wonder if when Nicoco is full on preggers we'll still be able to see her ribs? Or if since Nicole is obvs bulimic, her baby will be too... No better example of mother-daughter bonding than sharing a nice lil hour of bingin' and a-purgin'. I obvs assume it'll be a girl.

peaceloveanorexianervosabye.

I Mean I guess I'd do Oscar...

So tonight were the Oscars. I think we can all agree that these were the gayest oscars ever. Like even Harvey Milk has awoken from the dead to say "Damn Mary, that's gay.". Seriously, The Associated Press legit just confirmed it. Just joshin' with ya. But seriously I got a call from Richard Simmons complaining how he will never have a headband that will out-gay that movie musical number.

I was pretty much happy with all the awards especially Kate "Perfect Titties" Winslet and Sean "I got the clap from Madonna" Penn. There are tons of y'all sillies who think that Mickey Rourke should've won, but suck it. Slumdog obvs won, but Revolutionary road should've been nominated and won athankyou.

If you didn't know I am obsessed with Kate. OBSESSED. When I was 7 and saw Titanic I decided to make a Kate Winslet Wall of fame. Sadly, 2 years late it was demolished to make way for the Britney Spears Wall of Fame. After that statement I think I'll get a text from Kevin Spacey's cockring.

P.S. Is it just me or did Sean Penn look like kinda hot? In the non-fuckable sense of the word.

P.P.S. If anyone can translate what Penny Cruz or those guys from Hoodrat Millionaire said, I'd be forevs grateful.

Oh and I think Vanessa Hudgens was my best dressed for the night. I shouldn't really like her because I'm currently "the other woman" in her relationship with ma boo Zac. He's a nice jewish boy. And if you all wanna bash me for giving her this prestigious award, then you can answer to my publicist Chelsea Handler.

I'mbackandyouloveitbye. 

I'm back cunts.