So tonight were the Oscars. I think we can all agree that these were the gayest oscars ever. Like even Harvey Milk has awoken from the dead to say "Damn Mary, that's gay.". Seriously, The Associated Press legit just confirmed it. Just joshin' with ya. But seriously I got a call from Richard Simmons complaining how he will never have a headband that will out-gay that movie musical number.
I was pretty much happy with all the awards especially Kate "Perfect Titties" Winslet and Sean "I got the clap from Madonna" Penn. There are tons of y'all sillies who think that Mickey Rourke should've won, but suck it. Slumdog obvs won, but Revolutionary road should've been nominated and won athankyou.
If you didn't know I am obsessed with Kate. OBSESSED. When I was 7 and saw Titanic I decided to make a Kate Winslet Wall of fame. Sadly, 2 years late it was demolished to make way for the Britney Spears Wall of Fame. After that statement I think I'll get a text from Kevin Spacey's cockring.
P.S. Is it just me or did Sean Penn look like kinda hot? In the non-fuckable sense of the word.
P.P.S. If anyone can translate what Penny Cruz or those guys from Hoodrat Millionaire said, I'd be forevs grateful.
Oh and I think Vanessa Hudgens was my best dressed for the night. I shouldn't really like her because I'm currently "the other woman" in her relationship with ma boo Zac. He's a nice jewish boy. And if you all wanna bash me for giving her this prestigious award, then you can answer to my publicist Chelsea Handler.
I'mbackandyouloveitbye.
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