My name is Jessica and I like lard.

I seriously have no idea why I'm writing this but whatever.

NEWSFLASH! Miss Chicken of the Sea herself, Jessica Simpson, is getting a diet coach. I did not see this one coming.

Let's analyze her career, shall we? So she has a hit with "I Wanna Love You Forever", starts to 'not have sex' with Nick Lachey, her second and third album both flop, marries Nick, gets a reality show/ becomes an icon for being a complete moron, has a hit with "With You", divorces Nick cause his peepee is a lil too small, does nothing with her life, divorces, releases a flop of a country album and then gets fat. She's getting a diet coach, shocking.

She's currently booking bar mitzvahs, weddings and a couple of openings of KFC. She charges 5 matzo balls an hour. If you need her you can contact her publicist, Ronald McDonald.

ipreferashleebuybye.