GOSSIP-ISTA

I mean at least she isn't shooting up.

2009-03-06T07:57:00.000-08:00

Darling Amy Winehouse finally went back to London this week to finalize her divorce to Douchebag McSmalldick, aka MAH BLAAAAAKE. So when she was in London she had some unfinished business to attend to. It seems that in September she was accused of attacking a fan. Whatever she's due in court on March 17. Mark your calendars cause when Amy goes to court, she pulls out the fuck me pumps.

K, now we have to talk about Amy's look. Well it's an improvement, but where is her extensionologist? Honestly I could have done a much better job with a tree branch and some jizz. At least the crackden that is her beehive is back in business.

Oh, how I've missed her late night convenience store runs.

amybritneyislookingforya.

make them famous.

2009-03-05T13:10:00.000-08:00

So this band 3OH!3 is amazing. Buy there album, Want, currently in stores.

BYE.

youtube is stupid and won't let me post the real video, so here's this silly one.

Mariska Hargitay back in the hospital!

2009-03-04T13:36:00.001-08:00

Oyyyyy Mariska!!!! Mariska Hargitay, star of the best police drama on tv(Law and Order), is in the hospital for the second time this year. She previously was in the hospital for a collapsed lung but this time it's said to be for chest pains, which I guess is related. We'll see....

Mariska take some fucking time to rest and get better! Have Stabler hold down the precinct for a couple of weeks, I'll deal.

Feel better Mariska!!

iwouldprobsfuckhereventhoughshe'sgotladybits.

Sherri Shepherd makes me sick.

2009-03-04T12:29:00.001-08:00

It's just been announced that Lifetime has ordered a pilot for a new sitcom loosely based on Sherri Shepherd's life starring none other than Sherri Shepherd.

I love lifetime. I love The View. I HATE Sherri Shepherdd. The only thing this lil bitch says is "Well I've had numerous aborions blablablablabla." We get it you are a sinner who has repented. She didn't even know who she was going to vote for until the week before the election. I'm sorry but to the people who were torn between the two candidates, "WHAT THE FUCK?" It's not even like they had remotely similar views, they were at opposite ends of the spectrum. If you were unsure of who to vote for I deem you a complete moron. MORON.

Back to Abortion McGee. Hopefully I wont ever watch this shit because I have a feeling that it'll be Rita Rocks 2.0 and that shit sucks.

P.S. Sherri has a new wig almost everyday. She puts Tyra to shame.

whateverthishitprobswon'tevenbepickedupforanentireseasonbuhbye.

Miss Spears is FINALLY back. fo realz.

2009-03-04T12:14:00.000-08:00

Britney's highly anticipated Circus Tour opened last night to glowing reviews. I always had my faith, obvs. Us fags don't leave Britney. We love Britney like John Mayer loves attention.

Here are some excerpts from reviews:
-----------
"On Tuesday's opening night of her "Circus" tour at the New Orleans Arena, Britney Spears, the mighty Aphrodite with the troublesome tawdry streak, nonetheless renewed her claim as one of the world's most adept manipulators of the public interest. Powering through a 90-minute show that integrated her impetuous teen hits with the more perverse material from the albums she released after a very public breakdown that made her a constant in the tabloids, the Louisiana native flashed her famous good ol' girl smile at the fans, mostly female, who still find her a worthy patron saint of the erotic arts."
- LAtimes.com
-----------
"Welcome to Britney's Circus, a big, huge, loud, funny, nonsensical three-ring affair that includes everything under the big top - even an actual big top. It's truly a sight to behold ... the biggest show under one roof. "
- MTV.com
-----------
"She danced like she hasn't danced in a very long time. And, one of the best parts of the evening was that Spears seemed to be clear-headed. She did not appear heavily-sedated or lethargic at all. She was on point! There is something about Britney that makes her truly special. She has that indescribable "it" factor. People are always rooting for her, even when she was at her lowest lows. We genuinely want to see her succeed! We've seen her grow up in front of our eyes, and we love her - shortcomings and all. She may not be perfect, but that's okay. She's our Britney. And she's back, bitches!"
- PerezHilton.com
-----------
"The Circus Starring Britney Spears kicked off tonight at New Orleans Arena, where her adoring hometown fans - and members of the media - lined up for hours beforehand to get their hands on tour memorabilia and otherwise prove their loyalty to the fiercely comebacking pop star. And the 27-year-old songstress didn't seem to disappoint, as evidenced by the concertgoers who Twittered away every moment of the show."
- Eonline.com
-----------
"The 27-year-old pop superstar's "Circus" tour kicked off in her home state of Louisiana at the New Orleans Arena before a nearly sold-out crowd that cheered on their idol as she gyrated and slithered across the stage while singing some of her biggest hits, from the recent "Womanizer" to her first and now classic song, "Baby One More Time." The wild applause has been largely absent from Spears' life since the last time she went on tour in 2004, as the singer endured a devastating downward spiral: Due largely to personal troubles, she went from one of pop music's most profitable, in-demand entertainers to an out-of-control tabloid persona who seemed to be on a path to destruction. But over the last year, that path has been reversed, as she's embarked on a successful comeback that has seen her image, as well as her career, rehabilitated."
- Assocaited Press.com
------------

HELL YEAHHHHHHH

P.S. I watched this last night at like 1am and cried. it's that amazing...

Oy, I can't fucking wait for March 23.

seeyaatnassaucoliseumbritttttttttttt.

Lindsay Cokehan likes gefilte fish.

2009-03-03T20:02:00.000-08:00

NO.

I'm calling my Rabbi and forcing him to do something about this. Lindsay Lohan wants to join the rest of Long Island and go to Yom Kippur services.

Sorry Linds, you are not allowed. Keep your firecrotch out of Temple Beth Elohim thankyouverymuch.

Samantha Ronson is jewish, therefore Lindsay wants to become a jew. I will only accept this shit if she change her name to Rachel Hannah Schwartz and moves to Syosset, NY. FUCKIT, I won't accept this no matter what.

LINDSAY YOU WILL NEVER BE WELCOMED TO MY SEDER TABLE.

What the fuck would her theme for her Bat Mitzvah be? Pap smears?

justwhatnewyorkneedsanotherjewishdyke.

Kanye is the new Anita Bryant.

2009-03-03T19:40:00.000-08:00

So Douchebag McGee took to his blog once again and decided that he is the second coming. K, Kanye, I get it you have a small penis so you make up for it with a huge ego. So he wrote:
“God chose me. He made a path for me. I am God’s vessel. But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.”

Great Mr. West. Great.

I would love nothing more than to chop off his mangina and hang it on my wall like a moose head. Seriously shut the fuck up.

Go give your new pet a rimjob and shut the fuck up. I'm over you.

whateverheissonotdivahot.

CIRCUSCIRCUSCIRCUSCIRCUS

2009-03-03T19:34:00.000-08:00

Tonight is Britney's first show and it just started. Supposedly she is singing live and it quite apparent. I'll update with more later.

UPDATE:

She is singing the majority of her setlist live. I'm guessing it sounds good?

UPDATE 2:

On this randoms twitter account, she says brit is DEF singing live and sounding amazing

BRITNEYYYYYYYYYYYY

obFUCKINGsessed yet aFUCKINGgain.

2009-02-26T22:20:00.000-08:00

So I was in love with video last year and I just fell back in love.

peaceloveseekamybye.

Gyllenhaal feeds the gay fire

2009-02-26T21:31:00.001-08:00

In an effort to fuel even more gay rumors, Jake Gyllenhaal has just been cast as Joe Hardy in the film re-make of the broadway musical Damn Yankees. Not gonna lie, I love this shit. I'm a fag so 50s musicals are my bag baby. Jim Carrey has also been cast as Mr. Applegate, the devil.

This shit will be extremely fagtastic because it's being produced by the same queens who threw cash at Hairspray (we all know how gay that spectacular was).

I'm pretty sure Jim Carrey can sing, I just feel like he can. Jakey-boy? Not so much. Whatever dub him.

thegaymusicalisbackbye.

Sorry

2009-02-26T21:30:00.001-08:00

ive been busy lalala ill try harder.

Michelle and Hill sex it the fuck up

2009-02-24T18:15:00.001-08:00

They are both looking hot at Obama's Faux State of the Union tonight.

Turn on cnn to see these fine ladies doing their things.

pics to come laterr

michyobamaandhillarydefhavesleepoversanddoeachothersnailsbye.

obFUCKINGsessed again.

2009-02-24T12:19:00.000-08:00

I just heard the new Ciara song ft. Justin Timberlake. Holy shit I am fucking obsessed. AMAZING.

whorememberswhenciarasaidshewasbornasahermaphrodite?

Poor lil' Audrinaaa

2009-02-24T08:38:00.000-08:00

Audrina Patridge has been robbed. I seriously couldn't tell you why this isn't on the front page of The New York Times. She wrote on her official blog “I spent most of the morning filling out police reports and going through the house room by room making lists of everything that had been taken,” Audrina continued. “Most of the items are replaceable, but they took off with a few very sentimental things too. Definitely not a good way to start the week.” I feel for ya Audrina, I really do. JKJK.

My issue is, she's already lost her dignity so does anything else matter?

atleastyastillgotyasilicone.

On a serious note...

2009-02-23T18:23:00.000-08:00

Soooooo Britney's Dad, Jamie, was in court today to extend a restraining order for his daughter against former manager Osama Lutfi and ex Adnan Ghalib. So blablablabla.

Supposedly Britney's Nanny caught her talking to Osama Lutfi and Adnan Ghalib in the middle of night. Britney is not allowed to have a cell phone, she has to use her father's cell or house phone. That was reported to the court and supposedly Jamie was very emotional when telling it.

I am really disgusted by this. She was forced into releasing this album and to go on tour with it. They look at her and see dollar signs. She needs to go back to fucking Louisiana with her kids and just live for a couple of years. They have her on all these crazy pills that make her a borderline zombie. I don't know how she's going to survive a world tour. This really makes me upset to the point where I almost cry.

She's lost almost all power in her life.

I am just so disgusted how everyone around her just sees her as dollar signs. Her father, mother, manager and ex-husband are totally exploiting her .

Okay I'm getting really upset so I'm going to stop

Kimberleigh Zolciak Update

2009-02-23T16:51:00.001-08:00

For those of you who don't know Kim Zolciak is my own personal Jesus. JK, she's more like my own personal Nancy Pelosi. Well Kim is one of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, who is destined to be a country superstar. I am lucky enough to be friends with this hot bitch on facebook and I live for her status updates. Today it just read, "Kim Zolciak is excited, I got my botox today, Adios Migraines... Thank God". That just fucking made my day even though I have 2 fucking papers due tmrw that I have yet to write.

Seriously Kim is going to be the biggest thing to hit country music. Just fucking wait.

Here is a moving clip from The Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion:

Lindsay Lohan is a fucking cow.

2009-02-23T16:35:00.000-08:00

Everyone's saying how saying hoe thin Lindsay Lezhan is. Blablablablabla she's on coke, I get it. She might throw up after meals, so what? Isn't Sam Ronson's ladyjuice like 400 calories per teaspoon and full of protein? We all know Linds doesn't order in, she eats out. So yeah, keep doing what ya doin Linds.

In other Linds related news, she's coming out with a line of spray tan. Lindsay I applaud you for your consistency with letting your career fall to new depths, really I do. Just a couple of years till she becomes the spokeswoman for Shoprite brand cream cheese (delicious, but i prefer Temp-Tee)

peacelovedinalohan.

obFUCKINGsessed.

2009-02-23T15:04:00.002-08:00

Dita Von Queef

2009-02-23T14:21:00.001-08:00

So I've never really known why people like Dita Von Teese. I don't think she dresses as amazing as people say she does. She's a fucking over the hill burlesque dancer who became famous after fucking Marilyn Manson. What does she do now? Seriously? Gypsy Rose Lee at least milked her career into her 40s, you just go to events and suck the occasional rock star cock (one thing I commend her for).

Whatever so she was at that dramz filled party Elton John had last night after the Oscars looking gross and stealing a photo from 2 of my fav ladies (Eva Longoria and Victoria Beckham).

So Dita, do us all a favor and don't attend any more events until you have a shiteous reality show I can applaud you for. Oh and you need botox asap those wrinkles ya got are unacceptable.

grossgrossgrosstoodleoo.

Brought to you by Sharon Stone's nips

2009-02-23T12:31:00.000-08:00

Come on Shar! Seriously? She's what, 85 years old?

Whatever so this loser hasn't had a hit film since I was like like 3 and I guess she was fed up. So she decided to throw on some lace and peace out. It isn't even like the fabric she's wearing is just sheer because of the lighting, that shit is legit see-through. Honestly shar, ya got some nice lil bitties but cover up.

Oh and this was at Elton John's party so I'm sure that queen was not too happy.

Slap on some pasties next time or just go nakey.

thispostwasnotveryfunnysorryyyyyy.

Insert gay joke here.

2009-02-23T11:18:00.000-08:00

Matthew McConaughey was spotted researching his role in the upcoming Falcon Studios film "Bongs and Dongs". In the upcoming film he plays a stoner that is determined to selfsuck, sure to be a whole lotta family fun. It co-stars Matthew Rush and Ray J... and so begins oscarbait 2010.

We get it Matty, you like yoga. Can't you fucking do it in the comfort of your own home? Honestly I am sick of this shit. I don't even know if I find him attractive anymore because of his continuous flaunting of his lil bod. Can't you just camera-whore out your iphone like Miley Cyrus? It's done wonders for her career.

i'dobvsstilldroptrouifheaskedto.

My name is Jessica and I like lard.

2009-02-23T08:45:00.000-08:00

I seriously have no idea why I'm writing this but whatever.

NEWSFLASH! Miss Chicken of the Sea herself, Jessica Simpson, is getting a diet coach. I did not see this one coming.

Let's analyze her career, shall we? So she has a hit with "I Wanna Love You Forever", starts to 'not have sex' with Nick Lachey, her second and third album both flop, marries Nick, gets a reality show/ becomes an icon for being a complete moron, has a hit with "With You", divorces Nick cause his peepee is a lil too small, does nothing with her life, divorces, releases a flop of a country album and then gets fat. She's getting a diet coach, shocking.

She's currently booking bar mitzvahs, weddings and a couple of openings of KFC. She charges 5 matzo balls an hour. If you need her you can contact her publicist, Ronald McDonald.

ipreferashleebuybye.

SImon Cowell is a legit dumbass.

2009-02-23T05:42:00.001-08:00

Simon Cowell, or Mantits McGee as I call him, needs to be fucking punched in the face. In what world is he that important that he needs to be that important that he needs to have his body frozen?

At some crazy party for Sir Gordon Brown (like I know who he is) while obvs doing a lil too much, ala Gaga, he was quoted as saying, “I have decided to freeze myself when I die. You know, cryonics. You pay a lot of money and you get stuck in a deep freeze once you’ve been declared dead. Medical science is bound to work out a way of bringing us back to life in the next century or so, and I want to be available when they do. I would be doing the nation an invaluable service”. He obvs had been drinking too much of the kool-aid.

This bitch needs a reality check... cue Elton John to make a statement......

overitbye.

Britbrit to go Gaga? Hell to the NO.

2009-02-22T22:52:00.000-08:00

K, so its been reported that mah girl Britney wants to feature "Just Dance" by Lady Gaga in her upcoming tour. HELL TO THE NO SPEARSY! NO! Stick to "E-mail My Heart", "Dear Diary" and other classics of that calibur. Keep that blonde wig the FECK away from Britney.

If I show up to Nassau Coliseum on March 23 to see this shit go down, I'll be pissed. Scratch that I'll be to busy crying from pure joy that I'm seeing Britney live for the first time in years that I really won't give a fuck.

i'lllovethatbitchregardlessbehye.

Nicole "Naturally Thin" Richie is knocked up part deux

2009-02-22T22:28:00.000-08:00

K so that thing called Nicole Richie is knocked up with that loser is Good Charlotte's baby again.

I'm sure they were trying to get pregnant because Nicole likes stretchmarks. Maybs she wants Leila Ali Palmer's Cocoa Butter advertisement deal.

P.S. I wonder if when Nicoco is full on preggers we'll still be able to see her ribs? Or if since Nicole is obvs bulimic, her baby will be too... No better example of mother-daughter bonding than sharing a nice lil hour of bingin' and a-purgin'. I obvs assume it'll be a girl.

peaceloveanorexianervosabye.

I Mean I guess I'd do Oscar...

2009-02-22T21:19:00.002-08:00

So tonight were the Oscars. I think we can all agree that these were the gayest oscars ever. Like even Harvey Milk has awoken from the dead to say "Damn Mary, that's gay.". Seriously, The Associated Press legit just confirmed it. Just joshin' with ya. But seriously I got a call from Richard Simmons complaining how he will never have a headband that will out-gay that movie musical number.

I was pretty much happy with all the awards especially Kate "Perfect Titties" Winslet and Sean "I got the clap from Madonna" Penn. There are tons of y'all sillies who think that Mickey Rourke should've won, but suck it. Slumdog obvs won, but Revolutionary road should've been nominated and won athankyou.

If you didn't know I am obsessed with Kate. OBSESSED. When I was 7 and saw Titanic I decided to make a Kate Winslet Wall of fame. Sadly, 2 years late it was demolished to make way for the Britney Spears Wall of Fame. After that statement I think I'll get a text from Kevin Spacey's cockring.

P.S. Is it just me or did Sean Penn look like kinda hot? In the non-fuckable sense of the word.

P.P.S. If anyone can translate what Penny Cruz or those guys from Hoodrat Millionaire said, I'd be forevs grateful.

Oh and I think Vanessa Hudgens was my best dressed for the night. I shouldn't really like her because I'm currently "the other woman" in her relationship with ma boo Zac. He's a nice jewish boy. And if you all wanna bash me for giving her this prestigious award, then you can answer to my publicist Chelsea Handler.

I'mbackandyouloveitbye.

2009-02-22T21:19:00.001-08:00

I'm back cunts.

Waaaaaaquin Phoenix is on crack

2009-01-17T09:37:00.000-08:00

K, I don't know what's going on with this guy. First he announces that he's retiring from acting, then grows a beard, then shows up on the red carpet with "BYE-GOOD" written on his knuckles, now he announces he wants a music career? Come on waaaaa. OH and Casey Affleck(loser) is making a documentary on him pursuing a music career. Sounds like the next Fahrenheit 9/11.

You can just look at this hot mess of a human and automatically feel violated. He is on so many drugs I think Amy Winehouse looked at him and said "Bugguh! Yuh need some 'elp". That's an official quote.

K, so i just felt like writing about this yucky, moldy, skeezy, gross, drugged out, scary, sketchy, fucked up man.

Who wants to start a countdown till he has a room at Promises Rehabilitation Center?

On a serious note, let's not let what happened to his brother River happen to him.

alloftheboysandallofthegirlsarebeggingtoifuseekamybye

Nakey Madonna... snoozeeeeee

2009-01-16T15:06:00.001-08:00

I don't know why this is considered news.

A nude picture taken of Madonna in 1979 is being auctioned off at Christie's. Who cares? Isn't there a supposed porno out of her? She fucking posed naked on the highway for her Sex book. Naked Madonna is not something that makes me look twice. Chica has done far more questionable things.

I'm more interested over the fact that she worked at Dunkin Donuts in Times Square than this silly story.

In other Madonna News, I had sex with Guy Ritchie last night.

madonna'sonlygot4minutestosavetheworldouch.

Sasha Thunder Thighs can't keep the zipper on her mouth closed.

2009-01-16T14:55:00.000-08:00

First Beyonce offers to sing at the inauguration THEN they actually fucking select her. Now Lady Cellulite has revealed what she'll be performing at the inaugural ball. Bitch will be singing "At Last" for Barack and Michelle's first dance as the President and First Lady.

Wouldn't an element of surprise make it so much more Sasha Fierce? If girlfriends gonna be riffing the shit out of an Etta James classic, just like she did in Cadillac Records, she better be wearing her metal glove or some crazy ass outfit. I'm thinking tinfoil and candlewax would look exquisite on her. Fuck that, nothing will ever make her hips/thighs/tushie look human.

Whatever, I'm sure she'll be praised for being amazing blablabla. I'll praise her if she pops out a titty ala Janet Jackson.

peacelovemichelleobama.

Do you really want to hurt me? YES.

2009-01-16T08:32:00.003-08:00

K, so Boy George has finally been sentenced to Jail Time for chaining up and beating up a male prostitute. Like we all haven't been there? K, maybe it's just me, Kait and Tim.

Ok, so the old fat queen is sentenced to 15 months in prison. Um, hello this is not punishment for him, he'll obvs love being fucked by all those horny prison men. He's obvs into pain and shit. He should be sentenced to 15 months of being Paula Abdul's personal assistant. If you watched her critically acclaimed reality show, you know that shit is PUNISHMENT.

So in protest of this shit I recruit you all to blast "Karma-chameleon" and chain up your prostitutes.

karmakarmakarmakarmakarmachameleonyacomeandgo

Kimora Lee Preggers

2009-01-16T08:22:00.000-08:00

More Kimora news! Kimora and boyfriend/fiance/whatever Djimon Hounsou just announced that girlfriend is knocked up. This new baby better know that Ming and Aoki are the head bitches in charge because I know they won't be having anyone fuck up their status. They run that shit.

Maybe now E! will wise up and give Ms. Simmons another chance at a series.

If Kimora couldn't get her body back after the first 2 lil' ladies, I'm sure she'll be getting some lipo after giving birth to this new addition.

Once again, I need to hear Kimora bitch about her muffin tops and such.

PLEASE RENEW KIMORA!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

2009-01-16T00:30:00.001-08:00

E! has cancelled my life. They might as well go ahead and throw some lava on me. Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane has been cancelled. CANCELLED. I can hear your gasps from my basement. Who the fuck do they think they are? That shit was the most intelligent and endearing program I have ever seen, even more than The Game on the CW.

How dare they? I hope Kimora storms into Chelsea Handler's boyfriend's office and takes a huge dump on his desk with a note that says "Loved working with you -Kimora".

I'm seriously fuming. How will I survive without Ming Lee and Aoki Lee bossing around Kimora's staff?? How will I survive without Kimora's reasonable breakdowns?? I'll have to go on Zoloft to get through this shit.

I'm devastated. DEVASTATED.

theybetternotcancellivinglohan.

OMGZZZ YOU GUYZZ PARIS LOST HER DIGI CAM!!

2009-01-16T00:21:00.000-08:00

Paris Hilton lost her camera. Why is this news you may ask? It was filled with hundreds of personal photos from her lil' journey to Australia over xmas. I'm just a loser

What else can this bitch do? We know she has herpes, we know that she sucked Rick Saloman's cock, we know that she takes ecstacy, we've seen her pussaysay on many occasions. I don't think she can do much more that would shock us.

Maybe her and Onch can come out with a sequel to 2 girls 1 cup. I don't even know if that masterpiece would shock me. Even though, I'm still pretty haunted by those naked pics of Onch that surfaced a month ago.

Why doesn't Paris hang out with Jodie Sweetin? They would be the new Oprah and Gayle!

don'tmakeoutwithparisunlessyouhavevaltrexhandy.

YOU GET SOME CRACK! YOU GET SOME CRACK! YOU GET SOME CRACK!

2009-01-15T23:46:00.000-08:00

So The National Enquirer is reporting that Oprah used to go on sex and crack binges. Do I call bullshit on this one? I don't know. Opie has some skeletons in her closet and I don't just mean the Big Macs she stores under her bed when she's hungry. Remember when she confessed to giving birth to a baby when she was 14 a couple of years ago? I do, it rocked my world and I didn't know up from down.

Could it be true? Could Oprah have done this? Seeing as Oprah is more powerful than the big fag upstairs, she could just go back in time and erase that shit.

I wonder if Opie will pull a Tyty and address that shit. She can have Jodie Sweetin on the show and talk about the dangers of Drugs! Can't wait!

whateveroprahandgaylearebigmos

You can now rest easy.

2009-01-15T23:12:00.000-08:00

Stephanie Tanner is clean and sober. Hallelujah! I mean I know that I was unable to sleep while she was using.

If you didn't know, you probably didn't, she was a meth addict and lost custody of her child blablablabla. The only time I care about Jodie Sweetin is when I'm watching a rerun of Full House on ABC Family.

I don't even think this bitch was actually using, I think it was just her only way to get back into the news. I mean I give her kudos for that, she's got me talking about her has-been or never was-been ass.

I'm counting down the days till she releases a sex tape with the guy who played Cody on Step by Step. That shit will be hot.

ohjodiehowwude!

Jenny, I'm not fooled by the rocks that ya got.

2009-01-15T22:41:00.000-08:00

No, I'm not talk about my friend Jen Lesser with a big ass, I mean miss Lopez.

Bitch gave a sad excuse as to why she wasn't wearing her wedding ring, "Every time I'm not wearing my ring, people think I'm getting divorced. That's crazy! It just didn't go with the dress". Shut the fuck up and admit that ya didn't like it when he put a ring on it.

Whatever, J-Lo is the Elizabeth Taylor of our time. She'll get married about 8907 more times and then just have a gay best friend to shoot the shit with. Love ya Jenny, but stop giving these sad excuses.

BTW Jenny, next time ya wanna wear a skankalicious dress like that make sure to wear spanx because those muffin tops are atrosh.

loveyourwobblybitsjenny

Sasha Fierce to Barack our world.

2009-01-15T22:16:00.000-08:00

Beyonce obvs had to get her huge fucking thighs into this shit. I'm not sure if we'll be hearing "Single Ladies", but homegirl will be performing at Obama's Inauguration next week. I can just feel her being like, "This one goes out to you Mr. Bush" then go and perform "Listen" from Dreamgirls. Wouldn't that be just magical? I'm getting excited just in anticipation of her cellulite bouncing around in DC.

Bono, Sheryl Crow, Garth Brooks, James Taylor, Bruce Springsteen, Josh Groban and Usher will also be jumping on the bandwagon. I think Bruce Springsteen is still hot after the 300 years he's been around, so I'm fine with that shit. I could really care less about the others. Actually I'm a big fan of Sheryl Crow and her wannabe lesbian-rock music. Oh and I love me some Bono.

I want everyone to cross their fingers and hope that B wears her freakum dress.

ki'mgonnagobacktowatchinggoldengirls

Miu Miu Mix please deliver

2009-01-15T13:12:00.000-08:00

Katie Holmes thinks she is a legit star. She thinks since she married a high profile closet queen that she is now queen of the world. Being the spokeswhore for Miu Miu's Spring 2009 campaign is not helping either.

While I do think her campaign is gorgeous, it make me think. This is the bitch who couldn't convincingly deliver a single line until the fourth season of Dawson's Creek. She got so-so reviews for All My Sons on broadway. This bitch turned down The Dark Knight to do Mad Money. She frustrates me.

I do want to steal Suri though. Not just because she's cute, but because she needs a fucking jacket.

eff you see kay me

2009-01-15T12:35:00.000-08:00

It's been confirmed that Britney Spears' third single off Circus will be "If U Seek Amy". What a lovely track off of a lovely album. I mean the song makes no sense, the verses talk about how she's looking for this Amy chick but then in chorus she talks about how hot she is, herself, and "All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy.".

Well the fucking bible clutching FCC does not find this appropriate, so they anre encouraging radio stations to edit the song to say "If U See Amy", therefore taking away the sexual connotation.

I could care less if little kids are singing this song because no matter what they will hear the unedited version, much like i heard the unedited version of "How Many Licks" by Lil' Kim when I was 9 or 10 years old.

Yeah, so I really hope to hear 7 year old girls singing "F-U-C-K Me!" and maybe for her next album she can just title it: Rimjob. I mean I know a buncha fags would buy that shit.

loveyabritbrit

Kim Zolciak is my homegirl

2009-01-15T12:00:00.001-08:00

It most certainly is a magical day. Today is a day that I will never forget. Today is the day that Kim Zolciak of The Real Housewives of Atlanta accepted my friend request on facebook. It's things like these that make me realize that there is beauty in the world.

She is not only my favorite housewife ever(Gretchen from Orange County is a close second) but she is an extremely talented singer. She is the best. Nothing and no one can touch her. Not even NeNe.

And speaking of NeNe she should shut the fuck about how Kim has a wig because I don't a sister that has NeNe's not kinked hair.

Whatever NeNe lost her house, Kim is dating a Billionaire.

Here's my hero Kim singing. After listening you will know why I will be first in line to buy her album:

3 japanese bitches teaching english.

2009-01-15T11:38:00.000-08:00

One my friends showed me this video this weekend and I've been glued to this youtube video ever since.

I want to be really gay and learn their Martha Grahm inspired dances. These three bitches are the hottest ones I know. They are even hotter than that bitch who falls off her coffee table.

If you are Japanese, I would like to know if you utilized these videos to learn such english phrases as: "How dare you such a thing to me?", "I can't stand the sight of you", "You must be tired from your long flight", "He gives his sincere regards" and so on.

These bitches are hotter than BoA, Nelly Yuki and Lily Doo ever will be. Brilliant.

I hate you Taylor.

2009-01-15T10:30:00.004-08:00

Ok so Taylor Swift has been at the top of the Top 200 albums for like 238923794072 weeks now. Get her fug face off that shit.

Go buy Britney's Circus or Lady GaGa's The Fame.

Fucking Taylor Swift. YUCK.

Oh, Will Ferrell

2009-01-15T10:05:00.000-08:00

As some of you know, Will Ferrell is soon opening his show "You're Welcome America: A Final Night with George W. Bush" on Broadway. Maybe some of you have seen the ads(I did last night when I was watching mah girl Rachel Maddow last night). Well tons of people have said that they are truly offended by the ads. WTF? Doesn't Bush have like a .004% approval rating?

So because all of these losers cried to the tv execs, the ad has been axed.

GAY.

J-Lo and Marc Anthony cockslap eachother.

2009-01-15T09:52:00.000-08:00

K, so I call bullshit on this one.

Allegedly the Anthony's are physically fighting. Until I see Jennifer Lopez breaking down on Oprah like her character in Enough I will not believe this shit. J-Lo is a Puerto Rican mami from the South Bronx, those bitches don't stand for that shit. They call the lawyers and get their kids the fuck out and spend the night at Abuelita's house.

So yeah, bullshit.

In other news about these Long Island-ers, Leah Remini wants them to become Scientologists.

don'tbefooledbytherocksthatigotbye.

GG spinoff confirmed.

2009-01-15T09:19:00.000-08:00

K, so there's been rumors flying for months now that there will be Gossip Girl spinoff centering on Rufus and Lily's initial affair in the 80s.

Now it's been confirmed that there will indeed be such a show.

How do I feel about this? Eh. I think the guy who plays rufus is GORGEOUS, so as long as they find younger hot version of Rufus then I'm down.

I would prefer a spinoff with Nelly Yuki as it's star. That bitch is hot.

Leona Eauis

2009-01-15T09:09:00.000-08:00

What the fuck is up with all these celebrities and making fucking perfume? Like I really want to smell like Alan Cumming.

Well now add Leona Lewis to list of bitches who are hawking their own farts. New reports say that Leona will be coming out with her own spritz along with a vegan clothing line.

Shouldn't she wait till at least her third album to do that? Yes.

loveyouleonaanyway.

Here's the commercial for Alan Cumming's frangrance. It's the shit.

Shenae Grimy is a is a a diva.

2009-01-15T08:57:00.000-08:00

I want to know who actually watches the new 90210 shit? I watched the first 2 episodes and I was over it. Brenda never fights with anyone and Kelly has a kid. Kelly was raped, that's when they should've gotten her pregnant.

Whatever, so rumors are flying that the new 90210's star, Shenae Grimes, is a huge mofuckin' diva.

I'm sending out a huge "WTF?" because no one watches that shit anymore. I looked up the ratings for the past like 10 episodes and they hardly have 1 million viewers.

Anyway, I've hated Shenae since she first appeared as Darcy on Degrassi: The Next Generation. Darcy initially was the Anita Bryant on Degrassi and I couldn't take that shit. She was a member of that christian club where they all talked about how they won't have sex bla, bla, blaaaa.

Whatever. So this goes out to you Ms. Grimes, get the cock outya mouth and stop being a diva. Oh and lay off the concealer.

watchgossipgirlinstead.

Johnny Depp ready to fuck like married people? ugh.

2009-01-15T08:50:00.001-08:00

According to HollywoodRag Johnny Depp is going to marry his baby mama(she's the bitch with the gross teeth that Depp always takes places).

First they have 2 kids together and now they wanna get married? Put my cock in a microwave, why don't you!

I'm fucking pissed. Now I have even less of chance to play with Johnny Depp's naughty bits. What does he see in her? Does he enjoy putting his cock inbetween Vanessa Paradis's teeth? Like wtf? I hate my life a lot.

i'dstilldohimbye.

BAFTAblababla

2009-01-15T08:31:00.001-08:00

So today the BAFTA nominations came out. For all of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, they are the British equivalent of the Oscars.

Well I'm pretty happy because I'm over Anne Hathaway being nominated for Rachel Getting Married. Lady was fucking Princess Mia in The Princess Diaries. People like that shouldn't win awards. They should just eat Hostess snacks and not do "serious" roles.

That Benjamin Button crap got 11 nominations as did Slumdog Millionaire. I'm over all the supposed buzz surrounding those films. One's about a guy who ages backwards and one is about a guy who wants to answer to Regis Philbin. GAY.

My faggot ass saw both those films and loved them. I'm just being a caddy cockface.

For the complete list of nominations click here.

Sex and The Britney? I think not.

2009-01-15T08:08:00.000-08:00

According to BreatheHeavy.com there are rumors flying that Sarah Jessica Parker wants Britney Spears to star in the Sex and The City sequel... Seriously? Have she seen the masterpiece that is Crossroads? I mean personally I thought that film was seriously snubbed at the Golden Globes. Who could forget Taryn Mannings pivotal scene when she falls down the stairs inadvertently killing her baby? I know I didn't. I also a know a bunch of bitches who used that technique to get rid of a lil' accident on prom night.

Anyway, I think this is total bullshit. Brit's got too much shit to do like go to Starbucks and cry when getting into her car.

In other Britney News, I have shitty seats for her show at Nassau Coliseum.

whateverilovebritregardless

Ann Coulter

2009-01-15T08:04:00.000-08:00

She's a huge cunt.

BoA is my favorite asian ever.

2009-01-15T07:50:00.000-08:00

Okay, she isn't my favorite ever. Lily Doo from my high school is my favorite. She wouldn't talk at all, but she was the most amazing bitch ever. loveher.

So, I first heard about BoA in like september and I became obsessed. Well with one of her songs because most of her shit was in Korean and I'm not one for subtitles. "Eat You Up" is the best shit to hit the airwaves since "Nobody's Perfect" by Shmannah Montana.

The only video that I'm allowed to post is this shitty quality one because the bitches at Universal Group have copyright issues.

Winehouse still on vaca? DOCRACKNOW.

2009-01-15T07:38:00.000-08:00

I'm fucking pissed. I miss reading about and seeing pictures of Amy Winehouse wearing close to nothing(ala GaGa) and roaming the streets of London for McDonalds and crack. If bitch gets sober it will break my heart. She's rock and roll. By rock and roll I mean she snorts, eats and drinks anything that will give her anything close to a minor buzz.

She's been on vacation in St. Lucia for some time and she's reportedly doing yoga, bathing nude and not sporting her bird's nest of hair piece. Amy, I'm upset with you. You should be getting your excercise running through the streets of London screaming "MAH BLAAKEE!!! MAH BLAAKE INCARCUHRATEDD!! Blimey, is that a french fry?".

There is some sign of hope... She's allegedly stealing drinks and shit from other visitors at the hotel she's staying at. Now that's the Winobaby we all know and love!

peacelovenorehab.

Lesbonic Lohan

2009-01-15T07:28:00.001-08:00

I am so fucking over this whole Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson thing. Shut the fuck up. We get it, you press play on your itunes while Lindsay Lohan fucks you from behind with a strap on.

There's rumors flying that Lohan and Ronson are breaking up/broken

up/fighting/beating/having threeways with Kirstie Alley and I can't stand it. Actually I can st

and it because I will continue to talk about it and all that jazz.

If Lohan really is a lez I really would like her to change into a full blown bull-dyke. I mean a mullet sporting, flanel wearing, home depot card holding, doc marten wearing LESBO.

Love em', hate 'em, it's all good.

Oh and I've hated Lohan since I'm 8 years old, because her cousins live

on my street and they once had a party (OBVS LINDS WAS THERE) and that fucking 12 year old cunt wouldn't come out of the house because she was scared of the kids on my block. Suck my dick you little cokebooger.

loveyouanyway.

GaGa is fucking CooCoo.

2009-01-15T07:15:00.000-08:00

I fucking love Lady GaGa but how does homegirl not get sick? She's fucking parading around all over in nothing but panties, a bra, a suit jacket and pumps. Newsflash, it's the dead of winter.

Whatever, I'm all for a gimmick and this bitch got one.

Her CD, The Fame, is currently in stores and her first single "Just Dance" is the #1 song in the county. The Fame is probably the dance album to come out this past year. Think of it as this years Blackout.

suckonthat.

shutthefuckupandlisten

2009-01-15T07:10:00.000-08:00

So, I've been thinking about making a blog for a while now to show my opinions and news of hot gossip, music, film, theatre, news and all that jazz.

I'll try to have no inhibitions and just say whatever the fuck i want to and whatever you want to.

Brace yourselves cunts.